Idle State

Mostly, however, I am amused when I give my order as I'm inevitably asked if I would like syrup or cream or some other "traditional" additive with my "traditional" latte.

My brother once mentioned that he asks for "Coffee without any adjectives". I tried it once, here in Doha, at Starbucks only to be met with a blank stare for a few seconds emanating from the English-is-a-second-language staff member (who evidently had lost his place in the script). He quickly recovered and rejoined with "Would you like Cream and Caramel with that?" so all was not lost for the "traditional up-sell" department.

I've got to say, however, that Costa Coffee is great tasting coffee. (Disclosure - I drink a lot of coffee). A few of my other favourites are Najjar, which is Brazillian Coffee from Lebanon and is also very drinkable. Coffee that I bought from a street vendor on the side of Mount Kilimanjaro once in 2005 was somewhat of a coffee highlight for me too.

I imagine that if you own a coffee shop you need to come to a stark realisation that many customers are visiting before they have had their first coffee. Perhaps this explains why I have observed so many frustrated and dogmatic customers at Costa in my many visits there. Then, today, after the synapses started firing at normal speed, the combined experience of several hundred visits to Costa which had yielded to "give them the benefit of the doubt" for so long stood it's ground. My mind became clearly focussed in the realisation that the staff at Costa are simply bloody incompetent.

I mean - really - simple stuff like not being able to deliver an order in take-away cups or dine-in cups correctly; using full cream milk instead of skim milk and expecting I won't notice; asking me for the 45th time - on taking the same order from me for the 45th consecutive day: would I like Hazelnut syrup in my coffee NO; forgetting half my order more often than not; having to count the tills in their entirety mid morning when it's really busy ceasing all order taking. Pure madness.

Placing an order at Costa is also steeped in it's own tradition. Something like this:

Scene - Interior - Costa Coffee

(Wait for eternity to be served because only one Cash register is used even though there are two)
Cashier Hi may I take your order?
Me Hi I'd like a low-fat... (trails off, dumbfounded by the fact that the Cashier has stopped listening and has turned around and is now speaking with someone else)
Cashier Yes?
Me Are you sure you're ready?? I'd like a large low-fat latte to take away please.
Cashier Ok - let me repeat your order
Me (Under breath) Why not. I had to repeat it.
Cashier (Repeats order, minus either "large", "low-fat", "latte" or "take-away")

(Repeat several times more until we settle on something that roughly resembles my order. Thence:)

Cashier Would you like hazelnut syrup with that?
Me (Secretly wishes I could set the cashier on fire) NO

Unfortunately this morning the sheer agony of having to go through the whole extended process made me a little snappy and made me think perhaps it was time for a new coffee tradition.